Roller Derby Indeed

I went to Roller Derby last night and had a blast. However, there was some bullshit going on. The Hell's Belles got away with murder (like always) and managed to win the game...even though they cheat ALL THE TIME!!! That the h? Sooo not cool.

Needless to say. I was not happy about that. AAANDD our section had the opportunity to win free Chipotle (yum) if one person could name who would make the most points in the one round. I was yelling and screaming for this guy to say Manic Attackers, but since he was a dumb-ass he said Hells' Belles. And, you guessed it, the Manic Attackers (my fav. team) gained a grand slam in that one part!!! Why!!??? I totally wanted Chipotle. Very much not fair!

After the game we all went to the after-party. We got to have the best rum in the world Kilo Kai, which made me quite happy.
Oh! I've completely forgotten to state this! Maygen and Becca came down from RC to view the WCR (and all of Roller Derby-dom) for the first time. After a few questions about the rules and explaining who the jammer was, and why they could get points blah, blah, blah, they were having a great time.

Aaaaanyway, they after-party. We were drinking and having fun. Then I get told that I'm flirting with Maygen. Didn't think that I was. Of course, I usually can't tell if I'm flirting with people...it just happens. So sue me! I think I might have been though, and just not realised it. She's attractive. What can I do? I AM only human.

So now I have to ponder about this. Why do I find her attractive? What is the reasoning for this? Is there something deeper, or is it just a surface attraction? She is fun to talk to. DAMMIT!


Now, for something completely different...here is a picture from my vacation the first day I was out in Palm Springs. It was fun, but a little sore afterwards. Fun!

Un-needed

So, I have this fantastic film class. I am so in love with this class and the teacher.
Our first filmings went so well, and I was "praised" by our teacher after each filming. But I feel somewhat at a loss.

For our upcoming films, all of the students are writing their own scripts. I am, nerdily, excited for mine because it's an adapted script from my favorite book Brave New World. It's between Lenina and the Savage (John), towards the end of the book when he professes his love for her and tells her that he wants to marry her. I invited my classmate Nick to do this scene with me because I feel that we always do great work together, and I couldn't ask Ali again because we worked together on the first film. (Even though I LOVE working with her, since we rock so much!)


Well, everyone is getting their scripts together and I'm all excited to hear who is working with who, and I've learned that no one wants to work with me. i am by no means saying that i am so fantastic that everyone should flock to me, but no one. Not one person has asked me to work with them. Some people are working on multiple scenes. I would be lying if I said that it doesn't hurt a little. I would have hoped, really, to have more than just three shorts for my reel after I leave this school. And yes, I know a couple of classmates that will only have three when they leave. I suppose I thought that since each person is writing a script, and there are nine of us, each person would get to be in 2 scenes for the final shooting.

I know that all of this worrying and "woe is me" bullshit are just insecurities from my past popping up, but I feel I have a right...in some way. At least I'm not screaming it out at the top of my lungs for everyone to hear.

Plus, miss thang, who hasn't even been at school for practically two weeks gets to be in her scene and another!


Maybe I should distance myself...

I don't know.


I just wish that I was appreciated a little more from my peers. Are their minds already made up about me because I'm the one lesbot in class?! Because I'm not dammit. I like guys too!
Now this makes me think that I really shouldn't come out, because it could fuck up my career; if that's already happening I mean.


Who knows. Maybe something will come up because another classmate already has too many scenes to do. Yay to second best.

Yeah right...

What to say?

I don't really know how to use this newfangled thing. I used to have one, and didn't get it back then either. Do I just talk, vent? Whatever...we will see how this whole thing pans out.

I have things I wish I knew. Like, why don't people just get along with each other? Isn't it just a waste of time anyway? I mean, our life is only so long. Why waste time worrying about the small things, the infinitely less important bullshit that everyone just FREAKS OUT over. I don't get it.
OR even with things in relationships. Does it really matter what one calls their friends? Even if they have been doing it for years? Or what one's friends call them...why does it matter?

I have never had a problem with what significant others call their friends or vice versa. So, I feel like I'm being punished for being so blase about it. It's upsetting to call my friends babe, or sweetie, or love, just as much as it's upsetting for my FRIENDS to call me babe, and gorgeous, and honey. Aren't friends the most important thing (aside from family; those of which really care)? Plus, friends are like family to me. So I don't see a problem with pulling them into my loving terms category in life.

My question is this - How can you tell your significant other that they have no right to tell you what you can say to other people, without making it turn into a brawl that results in a break-up?

If only there were a book that had all of the answers...